Have you ever dated with a partner who flirted with other people, or ended up in casual chats with attractive strangers? They might have intentionally pointed out the drawback of their partners and appreciated others. And the most irritating part is that they have done all these acts just in front of their partners. Then you are dating with a narcissist partner. Maybe there is a hidden purpose behind all these acts.
Researchers suggest that the people who are a narcissist in nature intentionally induce jealousy in their mates in order to meet certain goals. And the goals include control over their partners and to boost their self-esteem to some extent.
Psychological research suggests that narcissistic personalities can be categorized into two groups – grandiose and vulnerable. The first category of narcissists are marked by entitlement, they possess high self-esteem. Whereas, the second category of narcissists is people who have a strong urge to exploit other people for their personal needs. But they are insecure and have low self-esteem.
While the grandiose narcissists are confident and outgoing, the vulnerable narcissists are somewhat introvert in nature. But Tortorieollo and his colleagues have noticed that both these types of narcissist sabotage their relationships with their flirting behaviours with others in front of their partners. Researchers have found that these dangerous behaviours are prominent in the narcissistic people and that they cannot stop themselves. But Tortorieollo and his team didn’t stop here. They have found that there might be the much more hidden reason behind these.
In order to find out the reasons which cause the narcissist to make their partners jealous, the authors have found five motives that the narcissist use to induce jealousy in the mind of their partners. They have used a rating tool called MIRJS (Motives for Inducing Romantic Jealousy Scale) through which they judge the different jealousy motives of the narcissist.
To exert power and control over their partner
The narcissists who are categorized in this group induce jealousy in their partner’s mind only to apply power to their partners.
To take vengeance over their partner
The main motif of this type of narcissist is to take vengeance on their partner. They want to take revenge as their partner has made them jealous and so they also want to do the same things to them.
To verify their relationship with their partner
Sometimes the narcissists want to test the strength of their relationship with their partner. So, they try various means to judge the love of their partner by making them jealous.
To make their relationship more secured
The narcissists who fall into this group are always afraid of losing their partner. So, they induce jealousy in their partner’s mind to be assured that their relationship is strong.
To compensate for their low self-esteem
They need the approval of their partner as they feel their relationship inadequate. So, by inducing jealousy to their partner they want to make their relationship fulfilled.
According to the study of Tortoriello, both grandiose and vulnerable narcissists induce jealousy in their partners in order to pursue some greater goal.
The researchers found that the grandiose narcissists rarely are being motivated by their desire to gain power and control in their relationship. On the contrary, the vulnerable narcissists try to induce jealousy for various reasons. Their reasons for inducing jealousy are motivated by their feelings to exert power and control and by their sense of insecurity. However, it is found that the grandiose narcissists rarely use jealousy to support their low self-esteem. Instead, they use it to test or try to strengthen their relationship with jealousy. In other words, it can be regarded as the ‘Trust Test’. But the vulnerable narcissists use their jealousy in reactive ways due to the feeling of insecurity. The research also reveals that the grandiose narcissists are closely connected with the psychopaths.
You must always remember that narcissism often comes from a feeling of deep insecurity. So, by remaining calm and opening communication are the best ways to sidestep insecurity and their tendency to assert control. If the person with whom you are dating shows the narcissistic traits, you have to first figure out their category-whether they are grandiose or vulnerable. Hence you can easily figure out their reason behind inducing jealousy, whether it is solely due to the purpose of achieving their targets or due to their emotions of which they are not at all aware of.