When a woman is done, she’s done.
Remember that part in Sweet Home Alabama when the Reese Witherspoon character finds out her estranged husband had been spending their time apart building this amazing artisan lightning-glass sculpture business because he wanted to be a decent person for her, so she leaves her fill-in-the-blank early-00s hottie fiancée (I don’t do rom-coms; sorry if the details are fuzzy) to be with the guy she’d been trying to divorce the whole movie?
Listen to me: THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE. Alright, sure, it happens occasionally, but you absolutely shouldn’t bank on it.
See, the thing with women is that we’ll give you 7,000 chances. We believe you can be the best version of yourself, and we want to be there when that happens, which is why way too many of us get stuck in terrible relationships with guys who don’t treat us well. (But that’s a separate article.)
We really want to believe that when you say you’ll do better, you’ll actually do it this time.
But when a woman is done, she’s done. Once a woman realizes how much better her life is without you in it wasting her time and energy, your window is closed. No amount of transforming your body, lifestyle, or career is going to make her diverge from her new life of freedom from your influence.
It’s typical to realize you blew your chances and retort with some awful knee-jerk cliché like, “Well, if she couldn’t handle me at my worst, she doesn’t deserve me at my best,” but the truth is that nobody is obligated to stick around for anyone else’s garbage, and nobody deserves to build a stressful, drama-filled life because his or her partner can’t take responsibility for their destructive choices.
Her act of rejection as a means of self-care might hurt your feelings, but chances are, your actions had a lot to do with her decision.
You’ll have no problem finding someone new when you get your life together, by the way. It’s no secret that people gravitate toward those who seem more stable and aligned with their individual purpose; however, the trick will be finding someone who is attracted to you who’s willing to stick with you when life’s hardships inevitably arise.
You had no doubt that the gal who stuck by your side through all your bullsh*t would stand by you during life’s storms, but what about the people who have come into your life during fair weather?
The woman who loved you at your lowest point already knows your worst — and loved, supported and encouraged you anyway. This is something that the woman who only loves you at your best may struggle with when the tides turn and she sees the part of you that isn’t so spotless.
It will be in those difficult moments — when you are struggling with a new lover who cannot accept your shadows and love you anyway — that you will realize the value of the woman who once did without you having to ask her to.