Here Is the Funniest Horoscope You Will Ever Read about Your Zodiac Sign!

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Funniest Horoscope You Will Ever Read

Pisces

Pisces women can be recognized by their long wavy dresses and their unique silver jewelry. Wherever they go, they carry laughter and comedy with them too. Pisces have no sense of direction. They can die by falling out of a window or by getting run over by a bus. Albert Einstein, Michelangelo, George Washington and Galileo were all Pisceans. This makes the Pisces be proud of themselves. When they leave their home they miss their pets more than their parents. They always say they want honesty, but don’t even try to say that you don’t like something they have done because you may become a target of mae-geri strike.

Aquarius

They are party animals. They miss the 1960s because that’s the only period they could walk without any clothes in public. They love to be without clothes. They rarely think of any consequences and always live love to the fullest. That’s why they often irritate other people. They are the only zodiac sign who can play volleyball with themselves. They talk with the people they choose to talk. If they don’t like you, they will simply ignore you. They love astronomy and they have visited all the planets. If you want to know how the food tastes on Saturn just ask an Aquarius.

Capricorn

They are boring as hell, hardworking and trustworthy. They are fastidious and stingy because they always keep their ego in front of their door. More or less all politicians are Capricorns. More or less all the people who were put in jail for counterfeiting are also Capricorns. All in all, this zodiac sign is like a strange mixture of Leo and Virgo. It is believed that this is why they are considered to be both charismatic and logical. If there is a nuclear war, the Capricorns and cockroaches will be the only ones who’ve managed to survive. Capricorns know all the laws and all the loop holes in the law from an early age. What is more, they never turn on their phones because they don’t have any close friend to call.

Sagittarius

These people are born to be adventurers. In addition, they love walking to the bathroom at night without turning the lights on. They enjoy smashing spiders with bare hands. They also love to entertain their friends, family and even strangers. This includes making scandals. Most Sagittarius are transvestites. They rarely like their gender. The most famous Sagittarius nicknames are: Maximus, Vomitus or Thunderpooper. Small children and animals simply love Sagittarians. But adults despise them! They can become successful circus freaks. It’s interesting that the sun is in Sagittarius during the Thanksgiving holiday. We know this is true because they eat until they start vomiting or pass out.

Scorpio

If you want to check whether someone is a Scorpio or not, you can just ask them a relevant question. After 5 minutes of silence, you will hear the following answer: “I am sorry, what?” They get involved with computers in the early childhood. That’s why more or less all the Scorpios are hackers. They take their free-spirited person seriously. Their main complain is about never being kidnapped by aliens. They can’t achieve their goal of dominating the world because it involves them taking control of everything. They are also very hairy, and that’s exactly what makes them feel more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. You shouldn’t be surprised that Halloween falls in the Scorpio sign period.

Libra

They are not capable of making decisions on their own and they are bipolar as hell too. They are flexible and fashionable people. They want to eat food from different cultures they don’t even understand. Libras hate fast food. They are always worried what others think of them. Libras have others buy their expensive clothes. They have so many collections of CDs they have never listened to. Because of them the butterfly hair pins and parachute pants are fashionable again. Give them a few drinks and listen to them how they are trying to explain what the difference between café latté and café au lait is. This is strange because there is no difference at all.

Virgo

Their world is not black or white. In fact, their world is dirty or clean. They control everything including their own breathing. The clothes in their closet are sorted in the colors of the rainbow. They will become sick if they don’t clean the house 3 times a day. Every single item in the house has its place, even the smallest one. Virgos can be thrown off the balance easily. Try it by telling them that they have some dirty spot on the back of their blouse and see their freaky reaction. They are good friends as they can clean others’ rooms as well. They separate each clothe by its fabric and color and then place them in the washing machine in alphabetical order by the name of their manufacturer. You may also see them opening and shutting the refrigerator door, doing their best to trick the light inside of it.

Leo

Leos are attention-seekers. They often want to say something in the middle of someone else’s conversation. In addition, they think that nobody is smart enough to marry them. Leos are searching for physical affection all the time, but they cannot get any because most of the people can’t stand them. Some of them come to a decision of becoming homosexual, even if they are not, because they are sure that this will catch the attention of all the people. What is more, they look like lions: they have slimy noses and cleft upper lips. They’d die for a fight with Aries; the more people see this fight the better!

Cancer

They would die to know about other people’s private life. The only way they put clothes on is because they have to. Speaking about fashion, they can be described as ‘unpredictable’. They iron their clothes by wearing them or even by sleeping with them. Sometimes they don’t get out of their home for months because social interaction is just a waste of time for them. Sports are not their thing because they need to take a 10 minute break every time they breathe. They have a plan to be successful in their career from their comfortable bed. They have a superpower to read people’s minds, that’s why no one invites them to parties.

Gemini

Real schizophrenics who are loved by everyone! Extremely outgoing and modern. They drive expensive cars. They often drive them off road – into trees or buildings. They can often be arrogant and aggressive. Geminis can pick up fights with anyone and anything, even with small children. They love when they use Libras as their punching bags. Even their own houses are vandalized by them. They are often on some kind of illegal medications. Their voices are loud and strong, but they always talk to themselves. When they tell a joke, people always laugh to the Gemini’s way of laughing to their own joke.

Taurus

One moment they are sad the other they are the happiest people in the world. They are and earthy sign, so they don’t want to have a frequent contact with water, this includes taking shower too. They like watching comedy movies where everyone is having fun. They have some psychoanalytic theories they have came up with on their own. We are not sure how this is possible since they don’t possess any experience with their life in general. They tend to make up interesting stories about their life experiences too. They often answer questions with another question. They are always in a hurry to arrive to nowhere that they’ve always wanted to go to.

Aries

Aries are always full of themselves. When they say something they always do that. They fall in love with Pisces because they are the only one who can make them grounded. It doesn’t matter if they live in a cardboard tepee or a palatal estate – they always seem satisfied with everything. Their life decisions equal to life decisions of a toddler. They marry several times in their heads but never in the reality. They usually work as managers. When an Aries enter the room everyone runs away because they know that if they don’t Aries may easily set them on fire.