Children are very sensitive and the words they say can very strongly affect their mental health, although it is sometimes very difficult to send detailed advice to all the psychologist’s advice, however, we must pay attention to how we address them.
Children who grew up in a family in which parents were harsh, aggressive, reckless, and obscene, themselves become such when they become parents. This is a dangerous circle in which things are repeated and therefore we should try the most that we can interrupt this circle, that is, the unpleasant things that happen and which can ruin one life.
Keep in mind that everything you do or speak remains long in child memory and the same things later children can repeat by imitating you until the moment when those same positive or negative things or words can become part of the lives of children or part of their lifestyle as adult individuals.
So try the most that you can discard the negative things and do not use the words or the terms that are explained in more detail below.
“Stop feeling the way you do immediately”
As long as children do not reach the age in which they fully understand the meaning of the words, you should stop using terms like “stop crying now”. Some terms used when referring to children really do not make sense at all. For example, how can you tell someone that it should stop feeling in a certain way when feelings are something that cannot be controlled. But if you look carefully at what you are saying and behave with a little more understanding about children, then it will not be very difficult for you to explain to them that what they feel in a certain way is currently the result of his actions, not because of something you told them previously.
“I`am so disappointed in you”
When addressing children, show some empathy and understanding of them and what’s very important is to try to adjust the tone of the voice precisely depending on the situation, or the reason you are addressing the children. In this way they will think that you are sympathetic to them and understand the reason why they behave so and they will want to hear you speak and understand you.
“That`s not good enough”
Believe in your child’s abilities. Even though they may not have done something right now, however, remember the positive things that they have done in the right way and this mistake at the moment can be only one exception that may not be repeated. Be aware that, however, these are incomplete individuals, and that much of the things you tell them to do cannot be fully accomplished, so be satisfied if the task is done approximately to what it should look like. Do not say to children that they are not capable enough to do the job properly, but with understanding and attention try to point them in the right direction to succeed in what they need to do for everyone around them to be satisfied from the end result.
“You shouldn`t get scared anymore at your age”
Children of any age, even teenagers and adults can be seriously frightened of the words that are meant for them and are said in a negative sense. The fact is that people of any age can be frightened, depending on the situation they are in, so the use of terms or phrases such as this is mentioned above means that you are lying to the child directly and thus when that child grows up in an adult, he will think that lying is a socially accepted phenomenon, and with that you do not do well.
“You are so useless”
If what you told the child to do is not the way you wanted it to be it does not mean that your child is incompetent, but you need to have an understanding and to remind yourself of your past and if indeed all that you were supposed to do once was done properly. Do not set high and unreasonable goals that neither the child nor you alone can achieve. After all, we are just human beings and we can make a mistake.
“You are such a bad child”
Instead of this phrase, you need to explain to the child that today, unlike the other days, is particularly bad and makes more mistakes than usual. Be careful with the words because you have to make the child realize that you do not think it’s bad all the time and every day but just today and for certain things.
“You don`t do anything for yourself”
You must not underestimate the abilities of children and do not use such phrases that belittle them and diminish their self-esteem, however, have in mind that parents are here to help their children or to advise them continuously. Perhaps they do not express their gratitude for your work around them, but one day they will be thankful.
You should consider starting to workout”
If you notice that your child may be overweight, you should not tell him that it is obese, but try to make it clear that people who go to the gym and exercise lead a healthier life and adopt a healthier lifestyle and this positively reflects on their physical appearance. Do not yell at him because he eats too much, but you may need to explain that he may need to cut the meal halfway and the other half eat it when the next meal comes. It would be nice if you yourself start practicing with your child, so the child will be sure that it is good for him, because you are doing the same. In particular, you should be careful with the advice if overweight is a risk to your child’s health, in such cases you certainly do not want to induce negative feelings about exercise in your child.
Keep in mind that if you are too harsh with children after they grow up they may wish to do the same for you or others in their surroundings.